Blogger

 Ahhhhh. I said as I pressed send on my latest blogpost. 

Your post has been published… my faithful computer told me. I won’t check the views straight away I thought. Although no need to worry… this content is viral. I meant the around the globe type. Not Ebola. 

Triumph carried me to the kitchen. My feet slapped on the vinyl floor like two pieces of ham. Successful ham. I meandered to the kettle. That stout bastion of the culinary world was about to be called into action. The soldier like utensil roared into life like a static steam engine with one firm press of a button. I slammed some coffee- roasted in Brazil- into my mug. A big mug for a big boy. As the steam billowed out I nodded, contemplating my blog views. I poked my head through the steam like I was on Stars in Their Eyes, waved at my crowd and began pouring. Clear water turned muddy brown, the aroma stung my nostrils. Disappointment spread over me now. It never smelt like Tarbugs or Costsalot, or even Cafe Nervous for that matter. 

Nevermind. Think of the views. I strode through to my computer again. Coffee slapped onto the vinyl floor. I’ll clean that later on. Not now. Later. I’m busy. 

I almost didn’t want to open the stats page. Could I cope with the adulation? Difficult to say. My sweaty palm grabbed the mouse. My finger poised… hovering over the button… 

I steeled my will and pressed, closing my eyes… 

I clicked…

Slowly I opened my eyes as if they’d been closed for 20 years after an atomic disaster such as Hiroshima. 

Views- 1

Damn. 

Worse still, that view was me.