Carnival of Pandemonium

 Rest in Peace Her Majesty The Queen Elizabeth II 

 So I’ve started journaling.  It’s a great way to collate my thoughts, feelings and drawings.  I don’t journal every day and nor do I feel the pressure to journal daily. Just when I feel like journaling  The world is stressful enough- doing jobs to serve billionaires- without adding to that stress myself. 

 Dear Zero I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m just generally miserable.  From Martin 

 Welcome to my alternative top flight football season by the name of Elite Financial Super Soccer League sponsored by lineyourpockets.com.  To be honest it’s an attempt to find the fairest club in the top flight from this coming 2022/23 season.  Every game will be decided not on the pitch on a Saturday (or Friday or Sunday or Monday) but by metrics like net spend, cheapest matchday tickets, whether they wished to join the scab European super league or not… etc. Best fit model wins the 3 points.  Here are the teams-  Cockney Cannons Big Ron’s Clarets Retirement Village Cherries Griffin Community Bees South Coast Sailors  West London Oligarchs  Simon Jordan Eagles  Kenwright Toffees Thames Gold Diggers  Yorkshire Toughs  Lineker’s Filberts  Giz a Job FC  Sportswashing Blues  Salford Devils  Sportswashing Magpies  Robin Hood Cloughs  Port Town Saints  London Cocks  Stratford Porn Kings  Robert Pl...

 Dear Zero Let me tell you about my clothes- more specifically my new clothing idea, or regimen, as clever people would say. It’s a very simple idea really and to be honest, I can’t claim the credit for it as it is already in existence- I’m just proposing to change the situation!  My simple idea for clothing is… uniform. Yes I know this has and is currently being done already, but I’m changing the situation from a work based thing, to a spare time sort of thing.  I don’t mean everyone should wear the same clothing. No. This would be like communist China or North Korea. People should have the freedom to express themselves. I mean just a uniform for me. Then I know exactly what I’m wearing everyday. It’s one less thing to think about.  I was thinking maybe I could wear black t shirt, black trousers and white trainers. I saw a musician doing this exact outfit last week and it worked. I knew instantly this was the uniform for me.  Regards Martin 

 Blondson hung up the phone and sighed. He'd cancelled the party poppers. He slugged some Blue Nun. Straight from the bottle. Then poured the remnants over his head. Karen was watching. This wasn't the time.   "I wanted my party. I wanted Chequers. I wanted it to be called Checkmate. Everyone was coming as chess pieces". She flounced off mumbling words like 'solicitors' and 'I'm going to mummy's'.  Blondson shook his head. Time for a shit. The bog groaned under his weight. His tumultuous gut billowing over the edge of the seat. Trousers soaking up piss from the tiled floor where he'd missed.  Was this the end? Stabbed in the back like Caesar. Ricki Sundeck, Dom Saab, Penny Maudlin, Nathan Swahili- the list was endless. Even that ape Jonny Gullet. All vying for Big Dog.  Maybe it was time to launch a leadership push?

 Inside Sir Stammer's office, Angela Rainman poured her usual. Cool Smirnoff Ice with a Tizer chaser. Sir Stammer and Rainman clinked glasses, Smirnoff Ice plopping on to the parliamentary carpet. Might have stained it.  "Well... fuck knows how we got away with that", she mused, slurping back the mixture.  "Beergate? What Beergate!?", laughed Sir Stammer knowingly, tapping his Jamil Fox It4U badge while his long lizard's tongue tapped a pile of brown envelopes. "These are more powerful than video". He reached into his locked desk drawer, grabbed a tin and gobbed its contents onto atop his head, slathering his hair sidewards whilst adjusting his glasses. A prezzie from the late Deirdre Barlow.  "So what do we do now, Sir Stammer... or dare I say... Prime Minister?" Rainman leered her own lizard's tongue caressing his leathery cheek, her hoof pressing against his leg.  "Don't! Don't jinx it! Call me... Future... Future Worl...