Carnival of Pandemonium

Simply put,  Pot Noodles are  massively underrated and should be treated with respect. A meal in a pot Just add some hot Let the kettle pour Ready in four What's not to love? Heaven's above Different meals for different occasions These could not be masterpieced At least I know I'm not being fleeced. Many different flavours All of them to savour. Heed my advice Yes they are my vice But listen not to the naysayers They know less than Tony Hayers (Partridge reference) Respect the pot for it is hot Hotter than the sun here comes the fun Don't be a snob about things. You'll have more fun.  

 The 9 year old Soma sucked his pen.  Suck suck suck.  Suddenly Squirt!  A big gob full of blue ink stuck in his throat I can’t breathe! He thought Too nervous to tell the teacher He’d be scolded for this for sure.  He tried swallowing.  Impossible  There’s no way he’d spit it out.  No chance  He couldn’t hack even if he wanted too.  What now?  He looked round the class, teeth blue, Throat burning.  He stood up.  Chair scratching the floor. Damn! He thought 30 pairs of eyes seeped into his body.  What are you doing? Quizzed teacher.  Unable to speak  He ran from the room.  A big silver tap in the bog His little pudgy hand turned the dial  Brown filthy water cascaded out like a turd filled waterfall Headmaster said pigeons wash in the water tank.  It’ll have to do… He closed his eyes and opened his ink stained mouth… On his return he crept back in Praying for invisibility Nothing happened  Until Soma, please can I have a word? 

Soma had not drank for 42 days Six weeks. That's great! They said. Great. Was it? Truth be told Soma felt miserable.  Miserable as hell His one pleasure in life was gone.  You must feel amazing?! Detoxified? I do feel different, replied Soma.  I feel 3% better.  And I don't get hangovers.  My eyes are whiter.  Friday nights will not be the same again. Where's my reward for 5 days at the coalface now? Asked Soma driving past full beer gardens. People basking. People laughing.  Maybe what they tell you isn't true. 

 Spambot spambot,  You’re my spambot.  Invading my twitter  When I read and scroll along  Spambot spambot You’re a shitbot  Spreading dirty lies Which celebs are chugging bongs? Spambot spambot Sweaty dumpbot  Serving no purpose  You’re just useless lines of code.  Spambot spambot Crappy shitebot  I delete one letter… Then you’re in trouble 

 If we're not careful They'll be in pole position Wouldn't be surprised they get every decision Massively entitled Creating derision Local unity Only division Sense of humour? Sort of tradition? Be wise keep quiet They'll be a collision What a great club? That needs revision To the conference That what I envision.

 There is nothing you can personally do about the news you consume (or are fed) on the mainstream outlets.  It is designed to scare.  It is designed to push an agenda.  Try to be objective in your life and consider all of the angles, rather than what you see or hear on the news. It is a simple case of being objective.  There is nothing wrong with being unsure either. If you are unsure, just hold off having your opinion until you’ve made your mind up  Do yourself a favour and switch it off.

 I boycott the Grand National and all racing for two reasons.  1- it’s animal cruelty.  2- it glorifies gambling- which ruins lives 

 We bought a new bed today. Well, not the whole bed, just the mattress. I actually don’t mind spending on a mattress for a couple of reasons.  One- it will last up to 15 years. If I play my cards right, I may retire before the bed runs out! Hmmm that’s a quite early retirement I can tell you.  Two- it’s an investment in your well being. I’m fully expecting to spring out of bed fresh as a daisy every morning rather than the current sluggish state I find myself in.  I’ll keep you posted.  Support me-  Support me on Patreon Like me on Facebook Like and subscribe on YouTube

  When we talk about powerhouses of children's TV, then you can look no further than Postman Pat. Pat, like so many of his counterparts including Fireman Sam, has gone through many incarnations- from the Postman Pat Movie (sadly awful) to the slightly better Special Delivery Service. However, the absolute best of Postman Pat is surely the original- set in the quaint village of Greendale, we follow the life and adventures of a gentle, people loving postman. Makes you proud to be English... You can watch Postman Pat's Finding Day 1981 here   Theme tune and backing music The first thing I want to mention is the fabulously relaxing music that is played right the way through the programme. Some wonderful guitar picking and strumming from Bryan Daly- who also wrote the theme tune- however it was sung by the stunningly eloquent narrator Ken Barrie. They actually released the theme tune into the charts in 1982, again sung by Ken Barrie, and it reached number 44. I would have expected i

 Yes, I have taken the plunge into Patreon- the paywall behind which loads of amazing articles are stored. Yes I am doing it and no I do not feel guilty. These articles take lots of time and expertise to set up and write and I believe I deserve to be paid for them. You will reap the benefits if you sign up. It is very cheap to sign up- you won't believe how much to be honest- but I want to build a community on Patreon- it certainly isn't about the money- as you'll see when you see the price! My first venture has been a deep dive into the amazing world of Children's TV- nostalgic as it will get the memories flowing when you read it. This one- spread across two articles, is a dive into the genius of Fireman Sam- the comedy, cultural references and how it is massively a product of its time. If you want to live, go across to  my Patreon and support my work and I will continue to write thought provoking and entertaining stuff just for you  <<<<<<<<<

 Let's all take a step back for a second.  Things have happened in the very recent past that we must take time to remember.  It has been nigh on 12 months since the footballing world globally, not just in our country, was rocked to its very foundations by the actions of a handful of men. Very rich men. Very powerful men. Men who don't care about you, me or anyone. They only, solely, care about money. I am of course talking about the heist of April 2021. This was where 12 rich, greedy owners of huge football clubs from around Europe- half of them were from England- tried to steal the beautiful game from under the noses of the people who love it the most- us... the fans.  I don't need to go into the details of what the horrible twelve wished to do, however, as with most things in the media, it has quickly been forgotten about. Football, it seems, like most things, has a very short memory.  I remember at the time that the clubs involved were threatened with massive points dedu

Outside my local supermarket, near the doors, there is always a range of homeless people with begging hats and cups laid out before them. Demonised by many people, the homeless people have been moved on by the police numerous times. Facebook is littered with stories of how they have begged for money. It would be very easy to join these people protesting against the homeless- complete with burning torch and pitchforks. Even if the police did succeed in moving them on- they are only succeeding in moving the 'problem' (if you can call these human beings that) to another location in the area.  The problem is not the individual people. In my opinion, if you are willing to sit outside a supermarket in the pouring down rain at all hours of the night, you must be desperate. These people are simply desperate. I am sure they are not bad people. They have had things go wrong in their lives that have led them to this point. Maybe they did not have any support when they lost a job? Maybe th

 Walking has become my daily activity. I feel it calms me down and gives me a great opportunity to listen to one of the many podcasts of which I am a fan of.  I can honest say I always feel one hundred percent better after a walk. I usually aim for approximately an hour’s walk which usually ends up being about 3 miles. For this year I have set myself the challenge to walk 1000 miles. That’s actually going for walks- not my general walking about.  Last year I did 810 miles which I was proud of, but also I was disappointed not to reach the magical four figures.  So far I am 240 miles in. I’m a little bit behind where I should be- approximately 12 miles behind, but I am confident that I will catch that up over summer. 

 I work in a fast paced (my own doing by the way), demanding job (not my own doing- ask the children...) and I have noise all day long. Sometimes it is loud, sometimes it is not so loud. But it is always there. Some kind of noise from 7:00am when I arrive until 5pm when I leave.  When I get home- again I'm not complaining here- my little boy is noisy until he goes to bed. Then I go for a walk and listen to a podcast- again more noise. It seems that I can't get away from it.  Obviously we need noise to survive and communicate. If there was no noise, there would be no human race- simple as that. However, as I write this, my little boy is asleep and my wife is out. So I do actually have complete silence. To be honest- it feels like bliss. Utter bliss.  I do think that we need a daily portion of silence. When we listen to sounds our brain is actually working to process these sounds and deciding if or how we need to respond to them. Are they exciting? Are they calming? Are they anno

 I got home from work today and the house was in a mess. This isn't having a go at my wife or child for not tidying up- it is very difficult to look after a young child- I completely get this. However, it does make my head feel smashed in to see the mess of toys on the floor.  I find myself wanting to tidy up straight away, but as I was tidying, my son was getting it all out again- plus I was frustrating my wife as well. The situation, like the floor, was a mess.  I am not sure why, but I do struggle with a messy environment. I am pretty sure that it affects my brain and my brain replicates what it can see in front of me. I see mess as a job to fix, so it scrambles my brain. However, when I look at a nice clean surface in the kitchen, it makes me feel relaxed as I see this as a settled thing.  I decided to simply wait until my little boy went to bed, then I tidied up after. I did really enjoy the tidying up process- which I know sounds odd and maybe it is- but as I tidied- a feelin